Who has made me be the person I am today? My friend and I talked about how children grow up to mimic certain traits and actions their parents display, and I immediately thought of my mom. I have traits from my father, that, unfortunately I am not entirely proud of. Actually, if it wasn’t for my mom teaching me all the good things I know today, who knows where I’d be, if I’d even be alive to write this.
You know what hurts me the most? When I see my mother cry. Without a doubt, I could be shot in the chest and dying and it wouldn’t phase me, if I saw my mom’s eyes well up with tears, because I did something that disappointed her.
My mother taught me everything from using manners to showing respect to elders, and treating those around me with kindness. She is the biggest person I know when it comes to respect, and she has taught me, no, my brothers included, that respecting everyone around you, no matter who it is, will get you far in life. By simply saying please and thank you will bring you good karma and in turn, have people treat you with the same kindness in return.
I remember, one period of time, I raised my voice at mom and every night I’d feel so guilty of even thinking of talking to her like that. I’d choose to lock myself in my room and avoid her altogether because I knew what I did, and didn’t want to face the consequences of my poor actions. Now, when I raise my voice by a fraction, I don’t dare look mom in the eyes, cause, quite frankly, I’d be appalled at myself. What am I even thinking to even talk to her, to show her the disrespect that she doesn’t deserve. She didn’t raise me up to be like this, and in no way, should I be acting or behaving this way, especially when I have younger siblings who are supposed to be looking up to me.
There was an incident that happened, I won’t go into too much detail, but my brother swore at my mom, and when I heard the story, do you know how much my heart dropped? I was so upset and really disgusted because, swearing in general,
is bad, but to do it in the presence of the woman who raised you? It really hurt me, and I was really saddened to hear that my own brother chose to use those words.
I know that your life actions should be for your own benefit and not of others, but my biggest goal is for my mother to be proud of me, and feel accomplished that she raised me correctly. I don’t want her to ever think that she failed as a mother, because deep down, I know she did a damn good job of being a great mom, and the effort she put into every day, I couldn’t see anyone else do what she does.
My mom is the strongest woman, no, the strongest person I know. Brains over brawn as people say, which I believe to be absolutely true. There’s no point in being able to lift so and so kilos if you can’t even apply that ability correctly. If you’re smart and use manners, and respect those around you, then you will go far. If mom thinks she failed in raising me (cause let me tell you now, I was not the greatest kid, and I caused lots of drama and heart ache for everyone) then she needs to reevaluate herself because she drilled me in these life lessons every day.
Secretly, I’m hoping mom reads this. She needs to know that we, all of us, do love you, so much, and we don’t think of you negatively. You’re so important to all of us, and we want you to keep teaching us new things everyday, so that one day, we can have the same values as you have, and be able to show others the same goodness you have shown us over these last 15-20 years of our existence.
But this is personal and I know I shouldn’t be posting personal stuff on the net, but I’ve been holding it on for so long, and I really needed to let it out. Don’t be angry with me. I love you.
love anthony ♡